Learning The Lingo

The words people use when discussing adoption can send unintended messages if not used properly.  Below are just a few examples of the correct terminology families wish you would use when discussing Adoption.  If you stop and really think about what you’re saying, positive adoption language is just common sense. For example, take terms such as real parent real mother, real father, real family – these terms imply that an adopted child is not a real part of the family. By using phrases like this, you are invalidating both the child being a “real” part of the family and the “realness” of the family itself. Let's stop to think about this question that might be asked of us but broken down into different terminology:

Non preferred:  "What happened to your child's "real" mother?"
Preferred:  "What happened to your child's "birth" mother?

Non preferred:  "Look at John, he is their adopted child."
Preferred:  "Look at John, he is one of their children."

Non preferred:  "Why was John's mother give him up?"
Preferred:  "Why did John's birthmother choose to make an adoption plan for him?"

Negative Terms	Preferred Terms
Gave up her child for adoption	Placed her child for adoption
Real parent; natural parent	Birth parent, biological parent
Adoptive parent	Parent
His adopted child	His child
Illegitimate	Born to unmarried parents
Adoptee	Child who was adopted
To keep	To parent
Adoptable child; available child	Waiting child
Foreign adoption	International adoption
Track down parents	Search
Unwanted child	Child placed for adoption
Is adopted	Was adopted