Almost a year had gone by since we stopped the "process" and we now had our house up for sale, had purchased land, and had picked out home plans to build in an addition that we absolutely loved. With all of that, you would think that I would have been ecstatic. Seriously, who isn't pumped about building their first home? Well, that would have been me. Everybody would ask me about it
and I would try to shelter my feelings and act like I was very excited. I would even try to act excited to Jeremy, all the while feeling so empty inside. I knew I should have been so excited, but I literally felt so empty and emotionless when it came to talking about building this beautiful, new home. One evening when we were discussing the new home, I mentioned to Jeremy how I was feeling, thinking that I was going to completely crush him. I was so nervous about this "talk" we needed to have. All I can say now is "Wow", God is amazing! Once again, the conversation went completely different than I had envisioned. Jeremy had actually been feeling the same way but didn't want to say anything to me. He felt like we were doing the wrong thing. We talked for hours about adopting and how crazy it seemed, but by the end of the night, we were at 100% peace with our decision to take our home off the market, sell our newly bought land, and throw away our idea of a new, beautiful home. Since this night, we have been at complete peace with our decision and never looked back. There are so many unknowns in adoption and so many questions to answer, but we are so comfortable with our decision that we have no doubt we are doing exactly what God is calling us to do. Had we went ahead in 2011 and proceeded, I don't know that we would have had this peace. But because we decided to pray and lift it up to God, the peace of God which we do not completely understand, is upon our family (Phillipians 4:6).
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